Pembe Hanım’ın Düşleri
Bu defa farklı bir şey yapmak istiyorum..benim yeni tanımaya başladığım birini size tanıtmak.. adı pembe ..ben ona ecem demek istiyorum bi de.. adı ecem değil ama adı tam da ecem.. öyle görünüyor ki ailesinin ona bakışları altında çok belli o onların ecem’i.. öyle parlıyor ki gözleri , çok belli ailenin sona kalan yaramaz çocuğu.. cin gibi
bir kız çocuğu..
Ecem’liğini yaşadığı çemberden koparıp alıyorum onu yukarıya..benimle oynasın , diye.. o razı olmasa -biliyorum o dakikadan başlayarak- onu koparmam mümkün değil… sonrası – ki şimdiye denk düşer- daha da fazla inanıyorum buna..
Pembe odada kendinden o kadar emin ki hiç endişe taşımıyor ecem olmadığı bir ortamda bulunduğuna.. istediği şeye el atıyor.. eline geçen hiçbir şeyi geri almam mümkün değil.. ne geri alması onun koyduğu yeri değiştirmem mümkün değil.. artık o da onun ecem’iği kabul etmiş bir varlığa dönüşüyor.. pembe cin gibi gözleriyle bakıyor bana.. tüm hareketlerimin, en ufağının bile öyle farkında ki.. eline geçirdiği her şeyi -elbetteki kendi resmine uyacakları -alarak yan yana diziyor.. yan yana ve gittikçe yarım ay sonunda da bir çember olana dek.. ve çemberi tamamlar tamamlamaz ayağa kalkıp dansını sergilemeye başlıyor.. ve bu andan sonra hiçbir şeyi değiştirmem mümkün değil…
İkinci karşılaşmamız.. gözüm çok korktu ..doğru.. bu defa onunla yaklaşmalıyım.. o ne yaparsa yapsın tekrarlayarak ve çoğu kez onun istediğinden fazlasını vererek dost olduğuma kendimi inandırmaya çalışıyorum onu ise kandırmaya.. kanıyor da.. bir adım yaklaştım..
Üçüncü bir araya gelişimiz olamıyor.. sonraki de.. ve iki atlayarak zamandan karşılaştığımızda ise yeniden sıfır^a döndüğümüzü görüyorum..o yine çemberini çiziyor ve içinde dans etmeye başlıyor.. çemberinin içinde ise bana asla yer yok..
Bir sonraki gelişinde biraz daha zorlayıcıyım.. bu defa yerde değil yarım ay masada; tam da onun istediğine gidecek yolu göstererek- gerçekleştirmesini istiyorum oyununu.. kabulleniyor belki de kararlılığımı.. ama başka adım yok atabildiğim..
En son .. odada yalnızız.. ki bundan öncekilerde hep bir çift göz daha izliyordu bizi.. pembe gelmeden önce tüm odayı arındırıyorum.. onun çemberini çizmek için kullanabileceği her şeyden mahrum ediyorum.. geldiğinde tam şaşkın..ama belli ürkmüş değil.. ne istediğini o kadar iyi biliyor ki.. ve tüm saat boyunca sonunda başardın , dedirten o kabullenişlerinin asla vazgeçiş olmadığını biliyorsun.
Devamını ben de merak ediyorum henüz..
*pembe; üç yaşlarında bir kız çocuğu.. nesneleri sıraya dizmek en tipik davranışı.. özellikle küpler-legolar-puzzle parçaları yan yana geçmeli..
Psk.Songül SABIRSIZ
25 Ocak 2007
Thanks for the feedback! That’s an interesting point. I suppose there are many reasons, internal and external, why we do not accomplish all that we might. Regardless, I am thankful for the Lord’s grace in that. Thanks again!
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